How to make Fran Poo

As we prepared our selfs to leave the hostel and make our way to the station, for our last day in Russia., I was reminded once again of Frans non exsistent bowel mobvements. It had been two week since she had had a proper poo and on many occasion it wasent just her verbaly reminding me. We arrived at the station with enough time to remenis aboiut our time in Russia, the lovely and often smelly, people we had met that really had tolerated us alot better that many prople tolerate even british tourist in there own country.
We boarded the train, which allready felt different from the reast we had taken, we were travelling second class to mongolia, I was allready missing the third class dorm carriges we had been traveling. Then as fast as my romantic dreams of travelling the trans siberian, mayn weeks ago had started, than they were ended.
"HI YA, IM SUE AND THIS IS PAUL, WERE FROM MINNESOTA"
All my illusions of being the only english people in this part of the world were broken, all my dissilussion of being soem sort of adveteurouse travelor dashed. Paul was a thirty odd, Moby lookalike and Sue was, alot younger and had legs with more hair on than mine. I took an instant hate to them, they were a.) not russian and b.) were american. Fran on the other hand releshed the chance to engage in converstaion with english speakers, making up for my lack of chat as i just scowled at her hairy legs and his less hairy head.
The arrival IN Ulabatar was a grat experience, Dramatic veiws and silent carrage compartment travelers. We found our guest house, it had "long drop" outside toilets much to frans dissapintment, and a Ger in the garden, which we werent staying in, much to my disappointment. We arrived too early to check in so went to aquaint our selfs with the city. Mongolia only has 2.7 million residents and half of them live in this one city, itts a manic place full of cars, no higway code and no road crossings,(that are safe) but it is a freindly place with a backdrop of mountains, one even had gengis chans face carved into it. We arrived back at the hotel for anafternoon kip and to my smug delight foun\d a group of french people all speaking english.
Over the next few days we roamed the city sorting out indian visas, watching musical productions and getting ready for our treck into the country side. One evening after a MOngolian BBQ we went home to find Guan our hostel owner, with some a finnish couple. Guan had clearly had a few drinks and was very chaty. I was the one who ended up locked in conversation with him.
"i christian, Despite being in buddist center, i translated many many passages from russain to mongolian, such as JOB and Pslam and JOB, You Understand?"
"uhu"" you see i know, english and our country, i know you past and ours, in know, it is good,"
"uhu"
"it is very important, form me, There is a s god, you country is important, You understand"
"uhu"
Your counrty engalnd , france , america, im christian you undersnd?"
"uhu"
"I love you"
"uhu"

We finaly tracked down out tour guide for our treck in to the Mongolian country side. "we will pick you up at 10". 10. arrived and so did our driver and guide, i shall not use ther names only there jobs as as we dicoverd, you dont use names untill you are well aquainted, maybe 2 to4 days. After some fafing we left late, and headed in to the mongolian country side in our landcruiser on tarmack, the later only lasted 30Km out of the cities, then it was a desicion of dusty tracks roughly in the right direction. We stayed in a Guir in the "City" of Kharkhorin Mongolias ex-capital and ate at a new pub called JIM MORIN, Translated it means Path for horses!
The next day we were up lokking at a monastry and fertility statues, then back on "the Road" In search of our paid trip. It turns out that none of our trip is planed, what happens is a guide goes with us then we drivde round till a nomadic family will put us up feed us and lend us some horses. We fiound the monst famouse horse herder in the orcon valley and stayed with hi, we stayed in the spare Gur and we were given the option of 3 days poney treking or 2days and a goat.
The Next morning we set out on our 3 day trek, it soon became clear that i had not riden a hores since i was 12, "it keeps going left!" "its stopped!". I got the hang of it soon enough and we were golloping throug the empty countryside, towards Mongolias favourite waterfall.
We admired the water fall the country side and our saddle saw selfs, we had been riding for 5 hours, and it was time to set up camp. "we camp some where shletered, Over there". The gude, the herdsman and fran Mount there horses and start off. I Hurry to catch up. I mount then dissmount the other side with a painfull thump, i quickly battle the shock to discover my Clavicle peircing the inside of my skin. With adrenalin still running through me i trek to push the broken bone back into place. This failes and i feel the pain, a confused heardsman stares at me. i show him the bone and grit my teeth.
The Heardsman heads of to get our driver, who i fear may have drunk a little to much of his beloved Eric, an alcoholic form of milk, the day befor he had consumed 2 ltrs of this and most of our vodka.
The Driver arrives sober, and advises we go to hospital, i agree. buit befor that we must stop at local village,(3 houses) so the doctor can look. She is not a doctor and this is the same gur we stayed in the night before, the nice old lady looks at it a pescribes be a half litre of russian vodka, i accept. I spend the next 10 hours drunk and in pain, and to the suprise of every one else quite jolly, despite the journey being similar to being sat on a bouncy castle at a 5 yr ould birthday party, with a javelin through your shoulder.
The doctors, were quick to sort me out and not dismis me as a drunk at 3am. we checked into a decent hotel orderd more vodka and past out. I woke up in pain, hungover and a fond memory of a conversation in the car on the way back.
"you know when you were sat there with the blanket arround you and i had to run off and go to the toilet, wellit wasnt a wee, I think the shock of you falling off must have scared it out of me. I fianly pooed"